What would you like my first video to be about?

I was just wondering what you wonderful people would like my first video to be about!

Like, if you have any questions about my journey or anything, I'll write them all down on a piece of paper and answer on the video, and stuff like that ^^

And if we're friends on facebook you can just send me the questions on messenger :)

 

Thank you so much guys! I hope to get a bunch of questions from you :D

 

Love, Kim 

Third session! (kinda pissed writing this Cx)

Hi there!
I am so sorry for not updating my blog so often, I'll update it more often from now on, since I'm thinking about making videos :)

BUT, I had a new session yesterday (August 29th), and I guess I'll start with how the trip went :D

 

I was really excited about this session because I thought that we'd discuss when I'd get to start my hormone treatment, because it was mentioned last session, so I couldn't sleep well at all, plus I had to get up at 5 am.. I can promise you I was tired all day Cx

My plane took off 8.25 am, and I arrived in Oslo 9.05 am, from there I got to Rikshospitalet by train and tram :)
I actually took the wrong tram and ended up with showing up 30 minutes late to my appointment, but I was lucky because my psychiatrist was willing to have a session with me even though my original session appointment was pretty much over.

But I can honestly say, this session has (sorry for the language) fucked up all my joy to going there, I've gotten a new "treator" or whatever, so I didn't get to talk to the nice older lady I've talked to every other time..

This lady was really rude, like, she asked, or more like told me to take my cap off, which is okay, and she said "it's for easier observation".. Observation of what?
I didn't really understand much of what she said either, because she isn't from Norway, don't worry, I'm not a racist :)
But seriously, I had to ask her several times to repeat what she said, PLUS she didn't hear, or understand what I said.. 

And she asked me really weird questions, like "why did you get your lip pierced?", "I read on your journal that you used to selfharm, can I see?" and then she just got up and started staring at me, commanding me with her look..

She also asked really uncomfortable questions, whish I have been asked before, and it's all in my journal, but nah, she had to hear it all over again, I even told her that I was really upset and that I'd rather not be asked those kinds of questions, but she just continued anyways..
I'm actually going to write a sort of complaint letter and send it to Rikshospitalet, in hopes of getting a new "treator"..

 

But seriously though, I've actually had great sessions so far, and the previous psychiatrist I had made my entire experience there fucking awesome, but this just sank it all like the Titanic :/

 

While I was sitting there, and she was talking, I got a text from my girlfriend, and I checked it real quick, didn't answer or anything, and then I put my phone back into my pocket. My treator then said that I had to shut off my phone, EVEN THOUGH it was on silent mode, so I did.
And guess what, two minutes later, she picked up her OWN damn phone, and was fiddling with it, sending texts or whatever, for five minutes, acting like I didn't even exist. And this she did several times during the session..

She also wrote really slow on the computer, taking notes or whatever. Every time she asked me a question, she said half of it, started writing in COMPLETE silence, and then turned to me like she expected a damn answer to "so have you........", like, what am I supposed to say..?

 

This is far from everything that happened during this session, I guess I was just really unlucky this time :/
I'm going to write that letter and hopefully resolve this issue!

*will keep you updated*

 

When all this crap was done, I left for the subway station to take a train to the airport. BUT, when I arrived, the ticket I bought earlier (which was supposed to be valid till I got back) wasn't valid anymore because I just HAD to get lost x)
And I didn't have any spare money, so I couldn't buy a new ticket either.. 


I was walking all around the station, looking for people I know, in case they could lend me money so that I could get home.. but I didn't find anyone :(
But I found this place called Kirkens Bymisjon Sporet, which was a sort of "safe haven" for anyone to go to, so I went there and asked if anyone there could help me. This one nice lady said she'd walk me to the next train and ask the conductor if I could hitch a ride so I could get home. 
She walked me to the train, and then she asked the conductor, and he said yes, I was UNBELIEVABLY happy, because I was going to reach my plane!

I mean, I did have to run to the security check, and from there to my gate, but I reached the plane in time, and I got home safely! :D

And I can promise you, I slept really well that night x)

 

Anyways, that's all for this time, I'm thinking of posting a video this week or next week :)

Thank you so much for taking your time to read my blog!

 

I love you all! <3

Love, Kim

Sorry for not writing anything for a while! D:

Hi there!

I am so sorry for not writing anything for a while now, but I've been really stressed with moving, I've got a job, and I have also had vacation where I went to Finland to visit family :)

I hope you have had a great summer so far! I went to Finland by plane with my girlfriend, and we got to see mom, grandma, my brother, uncle, aunt, another aunt and two cousins I have never met before, they are 5 and 7 years old :)

It was really nice to see my family again, it's been too long since last time.. :/ BUT! I will go back there some time in the beginning of next year :D :D
And I also got a new tattoo! And so did my girlfriend! :3 
(I want to give mom a shoutout and a thank you for actually bothering with driving us places and waiting for us during our stay there!)

I am really excited about my next session at Rikshospitalet!! It's in August 29th, 18 days after my 22nd birthday :)

 

I really want to thank you, all of my readers, for being patient with me! I am really sorry for being so bad at updating you.. But I'll try to find something to write about that has something to do with this journey of mine :) I'll write right away if I come up with anything any time ^^

 

Thank you so much, and I'll see you all soon :)

 

Love, Kim

Second session!

And here continues the stories about the sessions :')

So, my second session, I originally had it in May, but I couldn't afford the trip there, so I had to move it, and I got a new appointment April 2nd.

This time I went by plane, but my session was 10.30 am, so I traveled with a plane that left 7.25 am. I had to get up at 5 am so that I could shower and do stuff before I had to leave .-.

BUT, the trip went great, and I had a VERY good cup of coffee when I arrived in Oslo xD
I was really confused and had to ask atleast 6 people about where I could find the shuttlebus that went straight to Rikshospitalet from the airport, but I found it, and got there in time :D

This session was a bit easier to get through, since the nice lady asked me simple questions, and I didn't have to think thoroughly through everything before I answered :)
Some of the questions were "How have you been since last session", "Has anything new or fun happened?", "What are your plans for the summer" and stuff like that.

I remember I told her on my first session that I didn't have much contact with my family, and this session she asked me if it had gotten any more or less, and I said that I had gotten better in touch with mom, and that I was going to see her this summer, which I am! :D :D 

She also mentioned something about my back being straighter, and less crouchy, I was really happy to tell her that I had gotten binders!
I ordered two binders from GC2B (Which my cousins boyfriend told me about), and I gotta say, they really do work magic! (I only used sports bras earlier, the difference isn't even worth mentioning! Binders are really a great invention!!)
I recommend everyone who wants a tank-top binder, or just top binder, to go to https://www.gc2b.co/ and order there! They have fast delivery, and the products are really comfortable and look good :D The people there are also really helpful with whatever if you need help with sizing or whatnot :)
If you don't really know what a binder is, it's a chest compression top, which basically just squishes your boobs so that they get flat, but usually without hurting you or giving you any trouble breathing xD :)

And we also discussed what my plans were for the summer, since body dysphoria usually makes people not want to do everyday things during summer, like swimming, wearing tanktops etc. And I said since I'd gotten the binders, I'd do more summer stuff (lol), because I feel a lot more comfortable with how I look with the binder on.

And then she asked how things were home, and how things were with my girlfriend, and I told her that we had bought a new unusual pet. She looked a little horrified and said "Do I dare to ask what pet you've got?". And I told her that we got a little tarantula, her face looked shocked, and then she laughed and said "well, that's definetly not a pet for me, but good for you!". And then I told her that things were great between me and my girlfriend, and that she is joining me to Finland to see my mom and a bunch of other family members :D

Other than that we just talked about usual stuff, like friends and work. 

After my session I had to take urine and bloodtests (ew), because if you have any illnesses or anything, your body might not take up the hormones like it should, so they just want to make sure that everything will go as planned when we get that far :)

Aaaaand after waiting for an hour and a half, I got to take the tests and leave, I bought a cup of coffee and a chocolate bar before I left.

When I was leaving Rikshospitalet, one of my friends who lives in Oslo asked me to go to Oslo S (the train station) and I got to meet up with a bunch of awesome people, that were his friends. I can honestly say that's the most friends I've ever made in just a few hours!
But it was nice to hang out with nice people whilst waiting for my plane to go, and holy frick I was looking forward to going home to my girlfriend!

I actually asked one of the "train-people" (I don't remember what they're called in English) where I had to go to reach my train to the airport, BUT she sent me to the wrong damn stop, so I didn't reach it, but luckily there were some nice people on an other train that let me on to reach my plane in time :)

 

Thank you so much for taking your time to read my blog!

I will update as soon as there's something worth mentioning on this blog :)

 

Love, Kim

 

PS. My next session is August 26th :)
Stay tuned!

First Session! (This is gonna be a bit long too)

So, I'll start from the beginning, which brings in THE MOST important person for me to this day and forward.
I hadn't gone to my doctors office to ask for a reference, which I had to have to get an appointment at Rikshospitalet, I guess I was just scared to get a "no"..

But everyone, let me introduce my girlfriend into this entire thing, the person who had the most to do with the fact that I have gotten as far as I have, and the one who lended me a helping hand when I needed it, and gave me a little push whenever I had trouble getting further.
She is also the one who got me to start this blog, she told me that it might help others in the same situation, and that it could also be something to look back to if I one day fall down a little, and need a "pick-me-up".

So I told her that I had to get a reference from my doctor to be able to move forward with everything, she just told me to get a doctors appointment as soon as possible, and that she can come too if it helped. So I did, and I scheduled an appointment without telling my doctor why, but atleast I got it, right!


(Random picture of me on the train to Rikshospitalet in Oslo)

 

When I got there I was a bit insecure and scared, and sort of brought up other problems I had health-wise, because I was scared of saying "I need a reference to Rikshospitalet to be able to change my gender and get hormone treatment".. I thought my doctor would judge me or something.
But when I finally had the guts to say it, she responded with a shocked face, then a smile, and then she said "Okay, how do I do this, I've never done anything like this before, I'm so excited! I hope you can come by every once in a while and let me see if there's been any change". I was so happy, because I didn't expect such a positive reaction! But she figured out how to do the reference thingie, and then we said good bye with a smile. :)

 

I told my girlfriend the second I got out of my doctors office, and I was so happy, I got such a rush of joy! And my girlfriend was so happy to hear, I'm glad she gave me that extra push that I needed!

After the reference was sent, I waited for 3 and a half long months, and I got the appointment in the mail! Both me and my girlfriend were so happy to finally see a date and time for me to start this whole thing! I am so glad she's helpful and supportive! :D

 

*Fast forward to the beginning of the first session*

So, I sat down on the chair, it looked like it was bought in an antique furniture store, and the psychiatrist sat down by her desk, in an office chair that looked old and well used. She started off with asking how the trip there went, and I said I was so nervous, I couldn't sleep, but otherwise it went well :)
She smiled and picked up some papers she had laying in front of her, and asked me "So, your wish is to change your gender and get hormone treatment?" I just said yes. And then she asked about how friends and family reacted to me coming out as a trans guy.
I said I didn't tell my family, but that my mom somehow found out. She by the way sent me the cutest message ever saying "Why have you let me misbehave and call you my daughter when you're really my son? Which reminds me of the story about the Frog Princess, except the frog doesn't turn into a Princess, but a Prince" (an old story she used to tell me when I was younger). 

I remember that I cried when I saw that message, and didn't really know how to react, so I didn't respond at all.. She sent me another message the next day, asking what she said wrong since I didn't answer, and I just told her that I was uncertain of how she'd react, so I wanted to wait for the perfect timing.
(I actually just cried again, looking back to the message)

I told the psychiatrist a little about what mom said, and she said that my moms reaction was beautiful and touching, and that I am a lucky guy, and I said "I know right" x'D

And then my psychiatrist told me, out of subject "By the way, it will take up to two or three years for you to get your first hormone treatment, since the sessions are about three months apart every time, just so you know". I felt both sad and relieved of hearing that, because I have to wait for that long, BUT I get it sooner than I thought!

And then we just ended up talking about work, hobbies, friends and other everyday things.

After the session was done, I went to the reception to ask for the bill, and the lady behind the desk asked me if I came alone, and I said yes, since I did.
She looked really surprised, and then told me that I was the first one in ages to come there alone, everybody else usually has one person with them.

When I got the bill, I went to the cafè and bought a coffee and a sandwich before I left to get to the train back home to Bergen :)
( I did get some sleep on the train going home :D)

 

I just want to inform people who are going through this, or are considering getting a reference for treatment, it's not nearly as scary or difficult as you might think! And the people working with this are very kind and understanding!

 

Thank you so much for reading! <3
I hope this was informative and helpful :)

I'll write again soon because I have a second session to write about ^^ 

 

Love, Kim <3

 

PS: Shoutout to my mom and my girlfriend! Thank you so much, both of you, for being really supportive and as understanding as you can!
I appreciate it more than you think, and I will value this for the rest of my life! I love you both so much! <3

First post! (It's a bit long)

So, I made this blog a bit late, considering I started on treatments and stuff in February, but better late then never, right?

In case you don't know what it means to be a transgender person, it's basically being born in the wrong gender.

I think I was about 6 years old or something when I started to realise that something was "wrong" with me, but I was scared of telling family and friends about it since I knew there was a lot of gayshaming etc.. so I kept it to myself.

When I turned 13 (I think) I "came out" as a lesbian for a few friends, but that wasn't accepted, so I decided to keep quiet about everything until I find a crowd that I felt okay with, and that maybe had other orientations or something.

And that waiting, in search for a crowd I could fit in, lasted until I turned 17, I got to the first year of high school, and there, during the first PE class, I found the one person who started a circle of friends I knew I could trust. I don't think I came out to her as trans until I was like half way through that school year, but anyways.

She always made me smile, no matter what mood I was in, and I remember we had so much fun in school, and she even got math to become tolerable (fact:I HATE math). She was extremely supportive when I came out to her, and she gave me the biggest hug ever, I remembered feeling so happy that someone finally accepted me for who I am. But the sad part about this is that we barely ever talk anymore.. I still consider her one of my best and closest friends, and I still talk about everything and nothing the few times I meet up with her. *insert happy smily*

 

But back to the thing I was writing about.
That year of school was amazing! The second year was a bit more turbulent.. I moved away from home, had to get an apartment and all kind of shit, it stressed me out so much, I struggeled with depression too during that time, it was a pain in the ass when so much happened.. so I ended up with quitting school, looking for a job to make a living.

 

When I was 18, I started going to a psychiatrist, about both depression and to change my gender. I can say it did help a lot when it comes to the depression, so if anyone out there is struggeling with it, please go to a psychiatrist and talk to them, don't hold back, I promise it will help!

The year I turned 19, I finally got to start filling in the papers to apply for treatment for the gender change, and those "filling papers" sessions lasted until I turned 21, then I finally got an envelope in the mail, calling me in for a session at Rikshospitalet, which is the best and biggest "psychiatrist-hospital" where the possibility for gender change is. There was 32 pieces of paper I had to fill in, and bring to my first session.

I remember being so nervous on my trip there, that I couldn't sleep (I took the night train, which lasts for almost 9 hours). My palms were sweaty the WHOLE trip, all the way from home, until the doctor came to call me in from the waiting room.
The doctor who I was going to have a few sessions with, was a short, a bit older lady with shoulder long brown hair and typical thin grandma glasses.

She greeted me with a big smile and a firm handshake, presenting herself.
When we got in her office, I could smell that she had refreshed her perfume during the day, it was nice and warm in there, and she had comfortable chairs, so I felt pretty okay about this.

 

Sorry for the sudden end of this, but I'm going to continue about the first session on an other post, since this one is preeeeetty long already..

Thank you so much for reading!
I'll post again soon :)

 

Love, Kim.

Les mer i arkivet » September 2017 » August 2017 » Juli 2017
A Transmans Journey

A Transmans Journey

22, Bergen

I'm a 22 year old trans man, I live in Bergen, Norway. And this is a blog to let people know about how my journey in changing my gender is going, and maybe even help others in the same situation. This is a blog written in English so that everyone who might want to read it, can. And I am doing this mostly for myself, but also for my friends and family, so that people can keep themselves updated on everything if they want.

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